Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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