even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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