my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
