When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
