The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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