Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
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I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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