A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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