we made out on top of his cat.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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