God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
