I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
