I just pynch a tree in the face
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
