I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
