my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
