Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
