Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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