5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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