I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize