I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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