Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
