Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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