peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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