I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
