can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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