He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
