It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
