Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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