On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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