do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
