I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
