I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
