the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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