just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
