Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize