16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
