do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
