so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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