glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
