I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
