WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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