In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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