remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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