Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
