Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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