I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize