Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
