Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
