he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
