drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
