And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize