I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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