i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
