My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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