her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
