My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
