Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
