Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
