NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
