His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
