Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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