found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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