New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
