Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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