she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
