Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
