the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
