The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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