So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
