Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
