were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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