RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
