Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
