I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
